My husband and I recently lost two of our most precious cats in less than a week. Right now, every time I wake in the night and don’t feel like I’m being crushed to death because a Mira cat is not sleeping on my chest, I burst into tears. Right now, every time my husband sits in our chair in the bedroom and doesn’t have a Sammy-cat immediately interrupt whatever he’s doing, his heart feels like it might break. They were a part of our family, and they took a piece of our hearts with them when they died.
I suppose I could write my way through this, and at some point I will. But right now the pain is too raw, and my grief is too omnipresent to even collect my thoughts into a coherent post. I also don’t think it’s fair to subject you all to post after post about my grief. I’d rather parcel those posts out over time. So rather than not posting for a few days, I’m going to take my favorite posts from the past and post those. Then I’ll get back in front of the computer with another cat on my lap as I type more posts.
Thanks for being patient and I’ll see you soon.
Mira B. McPhelps (Walked into our lives in the Spring of 1999 and left us January 14, 2013)
Sammy Sam Sam McPhelps (Rescued from an abusive owner in the Spring of 1997 and left us on January 7, 2013)
There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats. – Albert Schweitzer
I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul. – Jean Cocteau
No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch. – Leo Dworken
The furry little buggers are just deep, deep wells you throw your emotions into. – Bruce Schimmel
Another cat? Perhaps. For love there is also a season; its seeds must be resown. But a family cat is not replaceable like a worn out coat or a set of tires. Each new kitten becomes its own cat, and none is repeated. I am four cats old, measuring out my life in friends that have succeeded but not replaced one another. – Irving Townsend
A catless writer is almost inconceivable. It’s a perverse taste, really, since it would be easier to write with a herd of buffalo in the room than even one cat; they make nests in the notes and bite the end of the pen and walk on the typewriter keys. – Barbara Holland
Oh my heart is breaking for you… I am so sorry.
Thank you so much Jennifer. Knowing people care makes the load a little lighter.
Sending so many hugs and so much love. My deepest condolences to you both.
Genie hugs are the best. I wish I could get one in real life.
Oh, I am greatly saddened to hear of your loss. Thank you for posting your furbabies’ photos. I can see how very special they were to you. We’ll still be here when you return. In the meantime, I am praying for your broken hearts to heal as quickly as you need them to (and ending a sentence with a preposition).
Thank you Cat. They both were very special to me. And I appreciate the prayers. Please don’t ever worry about your grammar on here. Mine is atrocious.
i’m so sorry. i have several cats and dogs (3 of each right now) and i understand how big the hole can be that is left behind. (and, just by the way, my spouse and i both work at the zoo, so… yeah… animals rock the world).
so again, i’m sorry. and as a relatively new follower, i look forward to the reposts coming up to get to know sam and mira even more, and i also look forward to any new posts when it’s time!
That is so cool, Julia. Next time I’m in Atlanta, I’ll let you know. Thanks for understanding. It’s very much appreciated.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing them both in one week is truly awful. Don’t worry about leaving your blog alone for a while. We’ll all still be here when you get back. In the meantime chocolate, wine or whatever your drug of choice may be the order of the day.
Thanks Marta. I really appreciate it. Chocolate and small glasses of bourbon help.
I know you don’t know me, but I do understand your grief. Our furry family members mean everything to us. I lost my feline 1-1/2 years ago. Her sister is still with us, but I know that each day is a gift. Her lifeline is beginning to reach it’s end. You have fans (I’m a new one) who will stick around. Take your time. Cherish the memories. They’re on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. Blessings.
You are so sweet. I appreciate it so much. I think the worst thing is that before I could grieve Sam, we were hit with Mira’s illness. And I know Sam and Mira are in a place where the squirrels are slow and stupid.
I am truly sorry to hear of your great loss- one is bad, but two almost at the very same time is unthinkable. People who don’t have pets don’t understand what an enormous part of our lives they become- they are members of the family, and their leaving us hurts no less than if a parent or child or sibling or any other loved one does.
It may help you (as it does me) if you look for a piece of writing called the rainbow bridge, which explains that they are waiting for us. And one of the truly remarkable things I have ever witnessed was Barbara Walters interview with Roy Horn of Siegfried and Roy (available on YouTube) where he explained that during the couple of times that he’d died on the table (you should watch it- it’s a miracle that man is alive) he found that all the animals that he and Siegfried had before that had gone on before them, all of them were waiting for him.
Please take some comfort in the belief that they are gone from you now, but you will see them again someday. I know it helps me.
Thank you Paula – I don’t have a lot of non-pet people in my life. And those few that I’m friends with know that they at least have to pretend they care.
I also really love the prayer called ‘If I Should Grow Frail’ on this page: http://ratcliffe.org/cats/bereave.shtml
I’ll have to look up that interview. That sounds amazing.
I have no doubt I’ll see them again someday. It’s just the here and now that hurts so much.
Oh, Kristina! I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
We lost my husband’s cat Samuel last October, and he left a big ol’ hole in our hearts. But the day after our Sammy died, my cat– a snooty kitty who’d ignored my husband for a good three years–hopped into his lap and sat there purring and snuzzling at every opportunity for the next two weeks. I hope you and Marcus find similar small comforts as you work through your grief.
Those rescue kitties had the best life because of you.
Megan – I think the worst part of this is that Mira did become my comfort kitty. My husband and I lost two cat in the past couple of years that were our babies. We bottle-fed them, bathed them – we were their Mom. When Cleo died (and it hurt me so much because this cat lived through a heart condition that most cats die from. She also had IBD. What got her in the end? Fucking cancer.) Mira took over her place. My husband and I had imagined a life without Sam (although anticipatory grief doesn’t really help) but Mira seemed like she’d always be there.
And yes, I agree. Rescue cats are the best. All of ours have showed up at our doorstep and all of them became part of our family.
Be gentle with yourselves as you grieve. I would put my arms around you if I could.
Thanks Darlynne – And I wish I could get that hug.
Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. Thinking of you.
Thanks Amy. I really appreciate it. Knowing people care makes the burden a little less heavy.
sending you much love to hopefully lend some comfort as you grieve both Sammy & Mira. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much Micaela. You have no idea how much we appreciate it.
Whoa, I am so sorry. That is a wonderful collection of quotes, though. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Lesley. I think my favorite quote is ‘I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.’
So very sorry for you guys. What beautiful babies they were. And thank you for the cat quotes. They help to justify our obsession.
Much love to you and Marcus.
Thank you so much Jenni. I loved those quotes so much. And thanks for the love – it is very much appreciated.
So glad to hear from you. Your cats are beautiful!!! I have a cat too. As I said previously take time to grieve. Maybe this will make you smile, It’s snowing in Alabama so yes Hell has frozen over. No milk or bread within 50 miles. Come March or April hell will return to normal and we will have lots of fresh veggies and tomatoes to enjoy in June and July. Love to you.
Thank Ann – they were beautiful girls, weren’t they? I’d laugh, but the snow here is crazy right now. Skidding cars everywhere – this is the first real snow we’ve had in ages. I’m actually about to post a picture on the Mouth From The South FB page.
I am so very sorry. I can’t even imagine how heartbroken you must be. Grieve & rest. We’ll be here.
Thank you so much Lisa. I really appreciate it.
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So many wonderful words.. I agree with all of them and send you an enormous hug. Think: every year for us will be only a minute at the rainbow bridge and they sit there with all their incredible patient and waiting. And how they have been in this life with you they will be again in the next. Just trust.
Thank you Heidi. I have full confidence I’ll see them again some day. It’s just the missing them being here that’s the hard part.
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I’ve been unplugged for the last week, so I just saw this. I am so sorry for your loss. Those cats had the best adoptive parents possible, and you & Marcus gave them all the love you had. They were blessed to know you both.
I love you and Marcus.
Thanks Russ. Even though we still have a surplus of cats, the house seems emptier. They were the last remaining members of the original trifecta. And we no longer have a cat that attacks fingernail clippers like they killed her mom. It’s things like that.
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