The boy that thinks you’re swell has chloroform in his hands.
If you’re a late menu planner like me, here are some suggestions on tasty ways to wine and dine, woo and seduce your partner this Valentine’s Day. I’m not promising that these foods will get you laid, but they will taste good. You will not see a single oyster recipe on here because oysters are not going to get someone into bed because of magical aphrodisiac properties. Ladies – if you’re looking for a little action from your male partner, I’d strongly suggest doughnuts and pumpkin pie. Men – if you’re hoping that Valentine’s Day ends with a bedroom romp with your lady friend, do the dishes, vacuum the house and do a little manscaping.
His dog is totally going to bite you.
I’ve tried to have both easy and more complicated dishes on my list. Sometimes Marcus and I like to go all out and cook all kinds of intricate dishes. And sometimes we make do with cured meats, different cheeses, bread and bar of really good chocolate. But we never make do without the booze.
I’m very disturbed they’re talking about his Big Boy.
Classic Champagne Cocktail by Savour-Fare
The Major by A Sweet Spoonful
Pear & Rosemary Martini by Hedonia
Balsamic Lemonade + Vodka Cocktail by What’s Gaby Cooking
Pomegranate-Champagne Punch by Ezra Poundcake
Never trust a cowboy with a giant pink gun.
Prosciutto Gruyere Pinwheel Hors D’Oeuvres by Savour-Fare
Crisp Rosemary Flatbread by Gourmeted
Lemon, Herb, and Sea Salt Foccacia by A Sweet Spoonful
Mushroom Ricotta Bruschetta by Food Wishes
Rosemary Dijon Gougères by A Sweet Spoonful
Brie en Croute with Brown Sugar, Bourbon and Pecans by Ezra Poundcake
The couple that yearns together burns together
Beet Salad with Candied Marcona Almonds by DanaTreat
Watercress, Orange and Fennel Salad by A Sweet Spoonful
Beet and Orange Salad by Food for the Thoughtless
Baby Arugula Salad with Lemon, Balsamic Vinegar, Parmesan, and Pine Nuts by Kalyn’s Kitchen
This is EXACTLY what Santorum warned us about!
Filet Mignon with a Shiitake, Red Wine & Shallot Sauce
Roasted Garlic, Gruyere and Rosemary Pizza
Three Cheese Fondue with Champagne and Brie
Chicken Gratin With Onion Sauce and Gruyere
Pasta with Sausage, Leeks, and Fontina
Trout with Brown Butter-Caper Sauce
Baked Penne with Silky Fennel in Hot Pink Sauce by DanaTreat
Fennel and Brie Risotto Wedges by Danatreat
Dublin Lawyer Shrimp by Savour-Fare
Beautiful Breast of Lamb with Honey Parsley Vinegar Sauce by Food Wishes
Pear and Pecorino Ravioli by The Peche
The Easiest Alfredo Sauce Ever by Last Night’s Dinner
Oxtails with Port and Porcini Sauce by Last Night’s Dinner
He’s just not that into you.
Roasted Carrots with Cumin and Lime
Roasted Broccoli with Parmesan
Butternut Squash and Leek Gratin by Savour-Fare
Oven Roasted Potatoes with Beets in Garlic-Lemon-Thyme Dressing by Gourmeted
Mushroom-Farro Risotto by A Sweet Spoonful
Garlic & Blue Cheese Green Bean Almondine by Food Wishes
Fast & Easy Creamed Spinach by Food Wishes
Pommes de Terre Boulangère by Hedonia
Red Wine Glazed Mushrooms and Potatoes by What’s Gaby Cooking
Thyme and Honey Roasted Carrots by What’s Gaby Cooking
You should be worried if he asks you to play doctor. That’s a hammer and knife in that bag.
Chocolate Mousse with Olive Oil
Brown Butter, Bacon & Chocolate Chip Cookies
Buttermilk Chess Pie
Minute Molten Peanut Butter Cake by norecipes
Salted Caramel Squares by Danatreat
Dark Chocolate Pot de Crèmes with Sea Salt by A Sweet Spoonful
Vanilla, Salted Butter Caramel and Chocolate Mousse by Tartelette
Vanilla Rice Pudding & Chocolate Panna Cotta by Tartelette
Almond Buttermilk Panna Cotta by Food for the Thoughtless
Easy Tiramisu by Matt Bites
Molten Chocolate Lava Cake by Eat the Love
Profiteroles with Chocolate Sauce from Shutterbean
Almond Banana Cake with Salted Butter Caramel Frosting and Chocolate Icing by Savour-Fare
Actually no. Paul Ryan’s pretty pissed at you right now.
When you wake up from your night of sin:
Homemade Jelly Doughnuts by ChezUs
Monkey Bread by by Gourmeted
Chocolate Donuts by Gourmeted
Cinnamon Sugar Popovers by A Sweet Spoonful
Bacon and Egg Pizza Pie by The Peche
Banana Cinnamon Chip Pancakes with Cinnamon Crème Anglaise by The Peche
Chai Spiced Coffee Cake by Tartelette
I hate raisins.
Watch out ladies. We’ve got a stage 5 clinger on our hands.
She wants to put your actual heart on that string.
Happy Racist Valentine’s Day!
I don’t want anyone to explain the BDSM that’s going on in this scene.
Sorry for all the extra vintage Valentine’s Day cards. When people bitch about how things aren’t like they were in the old days, say “Thank God!” and show them this page. Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!