The Oscars are this Sunday. I know there are many people that delight in the glamour, the splendor and the honor that winning an award brings to the actors, actresses, directors and producers in the movie business.
But I hope you all know me well enough to know that what I’m looking forward to is the opportunity to drink cocktails, eat fattening food and snark on the whole ridiculous charade of the event. What better way to do that than with a drinking game? And let’s all make sure to drunk-tweet using #oscarsnark.
You can choose some of these options or all of them (make sure you don’t have to go into work the next day). You can make bingo cards with the various choices. I’ve made sure to list some tasty snacks to help you soak up the booze.
The Classic Negroni from The Boys Club
Red Carpet from Creative Culinary
Pear & rosemary martini from Hedonia
French Quarter 75 from A Healthy Life for Me
Red Grapefruit & Rosemary Brown Derby from When Harry Met Salad
Kiss of Light Margarita from Magnolia Days
Tommy Gun from Married With Dinner
Fig, Walnut, & Maple Crostini from Cooking with Books
Mascarpone and Crab Stuffed Mushrooms from My Kitchen Addiction
Shrimp and Black Bean Wontons from Bon Appetit Hon
Smoked Salmon Cracker and Cream Cheese Appetizer from Michiana Eats
Spicy Maple Pecans from Tea & Cookies
Pimento Cheese Balls from Food for the Thoughtless
Savory Cheesecake Bites from Spinach Tiger
Dulce de Leche Cheesecake Squares from Brown Eyed Baker
Lemon & Thyme, Olive Oil Cookies from Une Gamine dans la Cuisine
Blood Orange Curd Bars from Local Kitchen
Easy Tiramisu Trifles from My Baking Addiction
Two-Bite Coconut Cream Pies from Dessert For Two
Mini Turtle Cheesecakes from Amanda’s Cookin’
Chocolate Bouchons, Gluten-Free from Art of Gluten-Free Baking
Pie Pops from Bakerella (Don’t be shocked by this. Still not a fan of most cake pops, but these sound delightful)
Now on to the drinking game options. Luckily, I have a lot of friends who still delight in drinking games. Those delightful boozehounds helped me immensely. Here are the rules:
- Drink every time someone gets played off the stage by the orchestra while giving their speech.
- Each time you see Anne Hathaway cry, drink.
- Take a drink if someone copies Sally Field’s ‘You like me’ speech.
- If Sally Field gives that speech, finish your drink.
- Drink when you get the first glimpse of John Travolta’s hideous toupée.
- Drink every time the camera cuts from Ben Affleck to Jennifer Lopez to Jennifer Garner.
- Each time the camera cuts to anyone from the entity I like to refer to as JenniJustPittAngel, drink.
- Take a drink each time Joan River’s face moves. Expect to not be taking a lot of drinks for this.
- Drink every time Nicole Kidman’s face moves.
- Take a celebratory drink if Keith Urban is spotted, because the highlights in his hair are a work of art and should be celebrated as such.
- Whenever a guy flubs a designers name (Except for Versace), drink.
- Drink each time Ryan Seacrest mentions his “girlfriend” Julianne Hough in his effort to appear heterosexual.
- Every time the camera cuts to Joaquin Phoenix, and he is sulking, drink.
- If a British actor gets an award and is too important to show up to claim it, drink.
- Take a drink each time a side boob or underboob is sighted.
- Take two drinks if butt cleavage shows up.
- If Jon Hamm shows up and is obviously letting the python in his pants go commando again, all the ladies should toast to it and finish their drink.
- Drink each time the mani-cam is used. (I did not know this existed and I wish it had stayed that way.)
- When the camera pans to Taylor Swift, drink.
- If Zooey Deschanel wears a twee manic pixie dream girl dress, drink while adorably spinning in a circle.
- Every time the camera pans to Daniel Day Lewis and he looks “not impressed”, drink.
- If you’re a seasoned drinker, each time someone uses the word amazing to describe a script, another actor, or anyone else involved in movie making, drink.
- Drink each time Seth McFarlane makes an off-color joke, and the camera pans to the subject of said joke.
- Roll your eyes and drink anytime someone makes a reference to their “craft”.
- If Helena Bonham Carter wears some outrageously crazy dress that just makes you happy, toast her crazy ass and drink.
- Each time the camera cuts to Tom Cruise, and he is grinning manically, drink.
- If Bjork shows up in an outfit that tops the Swan costume, you have to eat the worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle.
If anyone pronounces Versace like Ver-sayce, turn the TV off and immediately do 5 shots of whatever bottle of booze is closest. There’s no way anything else at the Oscars can top that.
I do want to warn you that this is the first year that the Academy is using an electronic voting system. Get ready for hanging chads, or make sure you’re prepared for a 6 hour show that consists of only a Guy Fawkes mask on your TV screen.
And I am posting this for no other reason than it’s awesome: