The cool kids might be in Atlanta (every time a BlogHer Food attendee refers to it as Hawt-Lanta, God kills a kitten) this weekend for BlogHer Food but the fool kids (AKA The Most Awesome Sauce Drunks in the Universe) will be partying it up at home, with only our bitter tears and our loneliness to keep us company.
The BlogHer Food Pity Party is where those of us who can’t attend BlogHer Food commiserate with one another. One of my favorite cooking couples is the host of this debauched party of loneliness and bitterness. You’ll find us on Twitter tweeting with the hashtag #bhf11pp. And crying into our booze.
Last year, I discovered the BlogHer Food Pity Party community the day before the conference. This year, I was more prepared. Besides making a hairshirt, there are a few things that you can do to make your Pity Party experience even fuller. Let me guide you.
First off, you really need to make sure you’re in the right mindset. I suggest listening to this song repeatedly.
Since the world is going to end during BlogHer Food, get prepped by listening to this:
Follow this up by listening to Ke$he. Because she sucks and so do you.
The only way to show those foodies at BlogHer Food that you don’t need them is to outdo them at their own game. Make your most elegant dish and serve it with a very fine wine. Let me make a pictorial menu suggestion:
You’re going to want to be comfortable, yet professional looking while BHFPP11 is going on. You’ll never have a better chance to make a good impression so dress sharp. As a guide, here’s what I wore last year:
Crafting is never amiss when it comes to BHFPP11. I’ve been hard at work on my project.
Beverages are a very integral part of BHFPP11. Sure, you could slum it with a boring margarita or martini but why not get fancy pants about it? Show all those BlogHer Food attendees you don’t need them and the buckets of awesome sauce swag they’re about to get because you’ve got fancy-schmancy drinks. Don’t you and your liver deserve it?
Enter the Kid Curry. I first had one of these at Knox Public House. This is my favorite bar in Knoxville. Every Thursday they have an artisanal cocktail and Laura, the owner, created this drink for one of those Thursdays. Lavender syrup, lemon juice and my favorite bourbon, Buffalo Trace, come together into a magical elixir that takes the pain away.
This is the kind of drink you start out BHFPP11 with. This is a drink that says that you’re cool and sophisticated. This is a drink that says “Hey – I could totally go to BlogHer Food if I wanted to. I choose not to.”
After three or four of these drinks, you’ll be able to convince yourself that when the world ends on Saturday you’d much rather be at home, dressed in baggy sweats with Cheeto stains, finishing off leftover Chinese food than living it up at the after parties at BlogHer Food.
After five or six of these drinks, you’ll be convinced that your genius idea to put out a couple pairs of shoes and clothes in the yard on Saturday will totally fool your neighbors into believing that you got raptured up while they were left behind. And that kind of brilliance took the act of missing BlogHer Food in order to come to fruition.
It’s later on when all your hopes and dreams have died that you start cracking into the Cardbordeaux and MadDog. The only cocktail mixing you’ll need to do with these babies is letting your bitter, bitter tears fall into the glass.
The Kid Curry Cocktail
Adapted from Mockingbird Events
Shake all items together in a cocktail shaker with a little ice. Strain and serve.
1 cup water
1/4 cup lavender blossoms (I used fresh blossoms, use 2-3 tablespoons dried)
2 cups sugar
Bring water and lavender blossoms to a boil. Stir in sugar and remove from heat once it’s fully dissolved. Let cool and refrigerate for three days. Strain lavender out. You can use the syrup immediately but I like it best once it’s steeped a little.